White Stag (PERMAFROST #1)

Chapter Eight: Reconciliation

            Pain burst deep in my chest at the thought of my family; my mother, my father, and my sisters. They must've known my fate and dreaded it as I grew wilder by the day.

            In the deepest, darkest part of my memory my parents whispered about my fate by firelight and a dream of a frozen land that reappeared over and over while an inhuman voice called for me.

            "What are you thinking, Janneke?" Soren asked; alarmed at my long silence. "What are you feeling?"

            Nothing. Not horror or anger or sadness. Just numbness, so thick and strong it was almost painful, blocking out any type of thought, emotion, or reaction. Just a blank stare wondering if this had always been my fate and the feeling that yes, yes it probably was.

            "I don't know," I said. "I really don't."
             Born on the border of the Permafrost with the coldness of the land in my blood, it made sense.

            Soren reached out and brushed a lock of my hair back into place. The brush of his fingertips against my cheek sent a shiver down my spine, but for once it wasn't one of fear. He thinks it's how you build trust. I had to give him credit for trying.

            "Will I really turn into a goblin?" I asked.

            "Your blood is laced with the same type of power as mine, so you have the blood of one so-to-speak," he said, after a moment, "but you have the heart and mind of a human. You clutch to the heart like it's your lifeline, but you need to be one with your blood if you want to continue to survive otherwise you'll go mad."

            I took a deep breath. Continue to survive. The chanting of the flickering flames inside me grew stronger. Survive. Survive. Survive.

            "Then what was the point of this; of you taking me on the hunt. Did you lie?"

            "I wanted you to accept your blood and," he paused, sharp canines biting his lower lip, "I went about it the wrong way. I should've told you the truth from the beginning but I didn't know how. I was afraid. I'm sorry."

            I froze in shock. I didn't think Soren would ever apologize for anything. I didn't think he understood the concept of an apology. This Soren was different from the lord I knew years ago...or maybe I'd just never knew him at all until now. I shifted uncomfortably in the silence that followed.

            "What will you do now?" he asked.

            "Do I have a choice?"

            "Well, as far as I see it, you could leave. Releasing you from whatever bind I've made would be hard. It might even kill you, which was why I thought it would be better to dissolve it over time as you embraced your nature. Assuming you survived, you could go back to the human world. You'd have to travel far away from the Permafrost, somewhere where the Burnt Lands are no more than just legends. With the power built up inside of you, you probably wouldn't be able to hunt again. It would attract others. But you could have a chance at a normal human life. Fall in love, raise a family, the things you wouldn't have had even back in your own village. Or...you could stay here..." he trailed off.

            "And become goblin or as good as," I finished.

            "There aren't many like you, Janneke. Human hearted and goblin blooded; I don't know which choice would make you happy and which wouldn't. I just know that you'll go mad if you're torn between the worlds."

            The stillness in my heart frightened me; there should've been turbulence. There should've been pain crashing down like spiked ice and despair rushing through me like sucking mud. There should've been hate and fear and rage. But instead there was the quiet calmness of a land after surviving a strong storm.