White Stag (PERMAFROST #1)

Chapter Nineteen: Salt of the Earth

"I don't hate you," he said.

"You didn't give me a pole," I said like it meant everything in the world. It did at the time, I knew.

"I don't like you that way. Besides, we're too young."

I crossed my arms. "I'm a woman. I bled just last month."

"Well May Day was two months ago. Sorry, I can't see into the future."

"I don't understand. I'm a woman, why can't I also be a woman and a huntress? Why does everyone have to forget I'm also a girl?" My hair had been braided in the style the boys wore; I wore the clothing the boys did; I had their chores. Why couldn't I even talk with the girls? Why couldn't I join them in the women's tent when I bled, instead of having to ignore it and continue hunting?

"You know why. You're not supposed to be a girl. Not really."

"But I am. My role doesn't change that."

Bjørn faced me, sighing. "You are really pretty, Janneke."

I smiled. "Does that mean you'll give me a pole?"
The boy bit his lip, then dug in his pocket, holding out something made of iron. "Here. It's a whistle. You can have it instead of the pole. It means more to me anyway."

"Thank you," I said, my insides warming as I took the whistle. Maybe one day he'd really give me something that meant he cared.

"Come on." Bjørn tugged at my hand. "If we don't find three different animal scats before noon our fathers will have our heads."

"It shouldn't be that hard," I scoffed. "Considering you're standing in some."

The boy yelped and jumped away from the bear scat he'd been standing in and I laughed and laughed and laughed.

I took the whistle in my hand, keeping it on the parts the leather glove covered. It was small and twisted and broken now. But I remembered how its high shriek used to hurt my ears and how I used to laugh every time I blew it.

Someone came beside me, kneeling down. A hiss escaped from his lips as his knee burned from the iron in the earth. "Janneke," Soren said. "Are you okay?"

His words yanked me out of the past, into the world where I belonged now. Was I okay? I didn't know. I wasn't sure how to describe what I was feeling right now. A little warm, a little cold, a little numb. It was like a mixture of ice and fire and nothingness were fighting for my attention. I wasn't sure I wanted to give in to any of them.

"I'm...just remembering." I said.

"Is that bad or good?" he asked, brushing the hair out of my face.

"It's neither. It's just remembering." I stood, letting the whistle drop.

"This was your village, wasn't it?" he asked. He had a hand on my arm like he thought I would fall or run away.

"Yes," I said. "Elvenhule. That was the name."

"Was it a nice place?" he asked.

"Before Lydian burned it to the ground? Yes." I paused as a familiar sound came pounding near. Horses hooves. Without a second thought, I turned to Soren. "Come on!" I turned to Soren and made a dash for the trees.