Chapter Seventeen:
Growth
I woke to the sound of bubbling water. My eyelids were heavy, my body trying to rouse itself from its deep sleep. It took a few tries but when they finally did open I found myself in an unfamiliar place. The cave surrounding me wasn't cold, furs and blankets were draped around me, keeping my body warm, and in the back there was a spring with steam rising from the water.
"Where?" My lips cracked as I said the word, the last thing I remembered flashed in my head. The Draugr. Seppo. The nail. My hand. Oh gods, my hand.
I couldn't feel it. When I turned to look, it was covered in bandages. Building up my strength, I propped myself up on an elbow, ready to take them off. Someone stopped me.
"You really don't want to do that," Soren said.
I stared at him. "How bad is it? Why can't I feel it?"
"It's not as bad as it could be; it'll heal. But you don't want to look, not yet. Now lie back down."
I did as he said, tugging at the furs that covered me. They'd slipped down. I was wearing a long undershirt though I couldn't remember putting one on.
"Skadi gave us clothes, food, supplies," Soren explained. "I needed to get you out of your clothes but I figured you wouldn't want to wake up naked."
Heat slowly burned in the pit of my stomach.
Soren pulled out a waterskin and a few strips of jerky and dried fruit. "Eat."
Despite my protests, he insisted on helping me sit up enough to drink from the skin. The freezing cold water brought the life back to my parched throat. I stared at the meat, mouth watering. It'd been so long since I'd eaten anything. I'd pushed my body well beyond the limits the Permafrost set.
As I ripped into the jerky with a fervor I didn't know I possessed, Soren spoke.
"You scared me for a while," he said. "I thought you were going to die."
"Where's Seppo?" I asked, remembering the young halfling, lying limp on the ground. "How is he? Is he...alright?"
Soren nodded. "I managed to fix it. He'll be sore for a while though, but there's nothing I can do about that. He's out with Hreppir and the wolves; apparently Skadi found a sufficient task for him to repay his debt."
"Which is?"
"Apparently, he's spending his day among the wolf pack, getting rid of fleas."
I snorted. "Doesn't seem very punishing."
"I think he grew on her." Soren lips twitched. "He seems to do that."
I 'harrumphed'. Soren rose an eyebrow a question piercing in his gaze. "He's still annoying, but I suppose he grew on me too. He just better not give us fleas. Then I might really push him off the mountain."
Soren chuckled. "I never said he wasn't annoying. He's just the type of annoying that grows on people."
"How did I get here?" I asked, changing the subject. His words were lightening the dread I carried in my chest at the sight of my hand, but it was better to get the terrible news over and done with.
"Breki carried you." He wrapped his fingers around my good hand. "You're going to be alright."
"Then why won't you let me see my hand?" Every second that passed without knowing how wounded I was, the more worry churned inside me. I should've felt pain; agonizing, unbearable pain. I remembered what it looked like, remembered the skin ripping off as I tore it apart from the iron nail. It was the cost of saving Soren and Seppo's lives and the cost of honoring our bargain with Skadi. I needed to know what I paid.
Soren sighed, shaking his head. He came over to my other side as I leaned to watch him. He took my bandaged hand in his, gentle as could be, and slowly started to unwrap the wound. "I need to dress it again," he said, "so it smells bad, I'm sorry."
I gritted my teeth, expecting the worst. Slowly, the bandages were peeled back from the flesh with a sickening sticky noise; it had to be bad. It had to be. The bandages were colored red and black throughout, soaked in my blood.
Finally, he pulled the last of the wrapping away. The smell hit me first and I recognized the sour ointment smeared across my skin. Tanya used it before for burns. The skin was inflamed and bright red with black, scale-like patches all around. It oozed a bit from a few open sores, but the liquid was clear, not pussy. A good sign. I tried to move it and with a burst of panic found I couldn't.
"Why can't I move it?"
"Skadi deadened it so you wouldn't feel the pain; unfortunately that also means you can't move it right now. You'll get feeling back in a while." He sat back against the rock. I nibbled on the food he offered me and drank when he shoved the waterskin next to me, but we talked little. For a long time there was only silence and a wave of heat between both of our bodies. I was just evading the inevitable after all.
"What did Skadi say about Lydian?" I asked, breaking the long silence.
Soren cast a glance outside. "You know that a Hunt never lasts longer than until the next new moon, right?"
"Well, there's a reason for that. Normally the contest ends by its own natural means before the month is up. But if it draws itself out longer, the spirit of the Permafrost forces the Stag forward toward the two goblins most likely to become the new Erlking. If the new moon comes and the Stag hasn't been slayed, then it will happen." He swallowed. "What's more is that if during this time it's killed on the border along with the losing competitor, the cycle will stop."
A shiver went through me. Soren's voice was calm but he couldn't not be worried. He was Lydian's only competition. "Can't you just avoid Lydian and hunt the Stag?" I asked.
He shook his head. "We'll be drawn together, someway, somehow."
I thought back to the sliver of moonlight outside. The new moon wasn't long off. By the time it came we may all be dead. "It must be why goblins are flocking to Lydian," I said. "His power is showing and they're all jockeying for a piece of it."
Soren snorted. "Yeah, none to me though. Guess that says something about my odds."
He slumped down, burying his head in his hands. It tugged at my heart to see him look so defeated. We'd figure out a way to defeat Lydian; I was sure of it. Somehow, someway.
Feeling stronger, I sat next to him, leaning against the dark rock. He rose his head, eyes flickering up and down my body as his shoulders tensed.
"You really shouldn't do that," he whispered, eyes closed.
"Do what?" His eyelids were pale blue under the soft light of the cave. He rested his head back. His hair was loose again and is spilled across his shoulders and chest. It was so long. It took decades for things to age even a month in the Permafrost. How long had he spent growing out his hair? I scowled; it wasn't fair that he looked the way he did and I looked like a scarred whore.
"Tempt me so much. It might not end well for you." His eyelashes fluttered.
"Don't be absurd. How could I tempt you?"
"I thought I explained it back in the caverns."
"I know what you said, but I also know I'm not very tempting-looking. I'm not blind." If I could hear my bitterness he sure could.
He opened his eyes and leaned forward. Even with both of us sitting he still towered over me. He rested a finger under my chin and tilted my head so I met his gaze. "You drive me mad, Janneka. Completely and utterly mad. I'm probably going to die in a few days and all I can think of is you."
"I'm not beautiful," I said. "Every inch of my body is marked by others."
"Do you think I care about that? That you have one breast and most women have two? That scars crisscross your back and stomach and thighs? Do you think any of it matters to me?" he whispered fiercely.
"No, but it matters to me."
"I could be surrounded by unearthly beautiful naked women and I would prefer you as you are, fully clothed."
A shiver went through me and lingered behind my navel. When he put it like that...
"Sometimes I think I'm crazy," I whispered.
"Hmm? Why is that?" He released his hold on my chin and skimmed his fingers down the length of my calf.
"I think any human would think they were crazy in this situation."
"You're not just any human," he countered.
His hand moved up a little higher and another shudder rippled through me, leaving an aftershock in its wake. "I shouldn't like this," I said. "I shouldn't feel the hotness inside of me, I shouldn't stare at you like I do. I'm supposed to hate you. Gods, when did I stop hating you?"
He laughed softly. "I don't think you've hated me in a long time. You just hated yourself."
"Maybe I still do."
I closed my eyes as his hand roamed up and splayed against my ribcage. "This shouldn't feel nice," I whispered. "Not to me."
"Why not?" he asked. "It obviously does, doesn't it?"
The only answer I could give him was a low moan. "A wolf shouldn't lay with a rabbit."
He laughed louder this time. "You're no rabbit, Janneka."
I opened my eyes and found he was closer than before. His lips were right in front of me and I burned with the desire to kiss him and with the knowledge that if I did, I would say goodbye to any ounce of normalcy I had left in life.
I reached out and ran a hand through his hair. "You're so dirty."
"Are you suggesting we take a bath?" he mused. "The water does look quite inviting even for my tastes."
I stood, stretching my aching muscles. The feeling in my hand was slowly returning, but I found I didn't really care. All that mattered was the heat in my body, the pressure building up in the bottom of my belly, and Soren. Most definitely Soren.
He was fully clothed with the new things Skadi'd given him. A hooded tunic lined with rabbit fur and jerkin, fine hunting boots and riding gloves, bearskin pants that hung low on his hips. In the corner there was a pile of leather armor. He reached for my hand and placed it on the strings of his jerkin.
"Go ahead," he said. My heart fluttered. "Or are you scared?" he teased.
"Never," I said, working at the laces. He left them deliberately loose and he shrugged off the jerkin with ease. With one hand he reached back and pulled the tunic over his head, baring his chest.
Like mine, it was covered in scars and flat with muscle. This time he didn't to take my hand, I reached out and traced the scars on my own. He reached around to cradle my head.
"If I kiss you will you kill me?" he asked, eyes sparkling.
"Only if you stop," I said and finally gave in.
His lips pressed against mine with a type of urgency I didn't know his kind could feel. My hands wrapped in his hair and when he broke away to kissing my neck the fine, white locks spilled around me. One of his hands when for the strings on my undershirt while mine tugged at his new pants. His teeth grazed against the sensitive skin of my remaining breast and I tilted my head back.
It didn't matter anymore. Being human, being goblin-blooded, being a traitor to my kind. All that mattered was my happiness and right now, in this moment, I was happier than I'd ever been.
"Do you still want to take a bath?" he whispered as he nicked my ear with his canines.
"Maybe a bit later," I said. "When we're dirtier."
He smiled wickedly. "I vastly underestimate you sometimes, did you know that?" His hand skimmed around my hip, moving up the small of my back until he was stroking my spine. This time I heard him move and felt the heat of his body against mine. He had to be close, very close.
"If I wasn't vastly underestimated by more deadly beings then I would be dead already," I said.
"Spoken like a true hunter." His touch disappeared and I ached to pull him closer until it reappeared lower on my body. A strange sound escaped my throat.
Soren paused. "Are you alright?"
"Yes."
"Open your eyes."
I did. He was so close our bodies almost touched. My head reached up to his chest, right where his heart should've been. I thought I heard something in there too. "Do you have a heartbeat?" I asked.
"If I do," he said, "I don't hear it. Not like a human's. But I'm a living creature, so I suppose so."
There. Proof that this monster had a heart.
The wicked, cat-like grin returned to his face as he tipped my head up, lips pressing against mine. A shiver rocked me to my core until it was melted away by a slow, burning fire.
He bit softly against my lip and he ran his tongue across it. His mouth trailed down to my throat, to the side of my neck, and when he pulled away, I found my free hand twining into his hair, pulling him close again. He chuckled and kept kissing, going as far down as he could. His lips skimmed against the scar tissue on my chest, treating it as tenderly as he would perfect, flawless skin. One of his hands cupped my remaining breast, his thumb caressing it softly.
We backed up until I was on my makeshift bed with the furs pulled tightly against out bodies.
I was breathless. I was on fire. I was floating and falling at the same time. I was everything, but I wasn't afraid.
His lips pressed under the skin of my ear and I heard him whisper. "Is this okay?" His hips changed to press hard against mine and I could feel the eagerness in his own body.
"Yes."
He moved so he could look me in the eyes, the furs parting so the cold air could come in.
"I'm going to get cold," I buried my face in his shoulder as the air stung my exposed skin.
"I'll keep you warm," Soren promised.
And he did.
###
Later, lying on the furs and still tangled up in his body, I smiled. My body ached, but it was a good type of ache. A glow filled my body, some type of lazy euphoria that made me sleepy and content. "That was nice."
He'd buried himself in my hair and from there he chuckle. "That is the understatement of the century. If I'm going to die, at least now I can die with my life's purpose fulfilled." His lips pressed against the back of my neck. "You're sure you're not hurting anywhere?"
"I'm fine. And I didn't know your life's purpose was to make love to me."
His body shook from laughter. "I thought it was obvious."
"So what were you doing those six-hundred odd years I wasn't alive?" I joked. "Twirling your thumbs with boredom, waiting until you could sleep with a goblin-blooded human girl?"
"What else is there to do?" He was still laughing.
I sighed contently. Here was one goblin whose cackle-like laugh I didn't mind. "You're getting quite good at the sarcasm, you know."
"I picked it up quick. A century has to be a record," he said. "Which is good considering I'd be totally confused where you and Seppo were concerned otherwise."
I groaned at the name. All I wanted to do at the moment was snuggle deep down into the furs, into Soren's body, and close my eyes and sleep. I hadn't felt this relaxed in years. There was soreness in my shoulders that I never recognized before, like I'd been tensing for a century without realizing it. There was the rumbling sound in Soren's chest that he made when he was content, like a cat's purr but rougher and wilder. But this moment would end too soon. "When is he coming back?"
Soren made a noise in the back of his throat. "Do you think it'd be too much to ask for one of Skadi's wolves to eat him? We're never going to hear the end of it when he gets back."
"We don't need to tell him."
"It doesn't matter. The little bastard will know," Soren said. "And then I might have to kill him."
"If he doesn't shut up about it, I'll help."
I sighed, breathing in deeply the smell of pine needles and wood smoke that always clung to him. Would be that we could stay here forever.
"It's not enough time, is it?" he asked.
"No." I sighed, back to strategy. "Are you planning on confronting Lydian or chasing the Stag and hoping you catch it first?"
Soren looked away from me. "The latter would be nice, but I probably should expect the former. Either way, I'll make sure—I'll make sure you're safe. No matter what I have to do."
"What do you mean, 'no matter—'"
But he cut off my question with another kiss, positioning his body so he leaned over me, the pale strands of his hair tickling my chest. "You're beautiful," he said, his eyes glowing with warmth. "Beautiful."
"I'm glad someone thinks so."
Soren took my chin in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes. They burned with a silver fire in the setting sun of the cave and kept me from looking away. If it were possible, I'd think he was looking right down into my soul.
"You are the most infuriating, pigheaded, stubbornly determined person I know, did you know that?"
I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Strange, I thought you were describing yourself."
"A perfect match, then," Soren said.
There was a long silence, before I spoke again.
"What did he do to you?" I asked. "Lydian, I mean."
Soren looked away from me. "It's not what he did to me, but to others."
"Care to explain?"
"You have an interesting taste in post-coitus conversations, you know."
I rolled my eyes. "That wasn't an answer."
Soren was silent for a beat, then turned back to me. His eyes locked on mine before lazily looking down at my body; seeing something I never would. "He's my father's older brother," he started. "But he was never...right in the head. No one really talked about it when I was little or even now, but apparently one day he went out for a solo hunt as a youth and came back changed. He would mutter things under his breath and prophesize the doom that was about to fall over the land. He'd see people and think they were monsters. Sometimes he'd claw at his face until it bled."
He took a deep breath. "So, obviously, my grandfather wasn't about to let him inherit anything. You know most goblins inherit by killing their former lord or lady, but that's not always the case. My grandfather simply disinherited him. He didn't even kill him, which is what most would've done to ensure no revenge was taken against the clan. My father married my mother and became pregnant with me." After a long silence, he continued. "From the way my father tells it, he came to visit one day. He and my father were on decent terms despite the circumstance. He saw my mother, heavily pregnant with me, and started rambling about the end of the world. That she would birth a demon."
I shuddered. "He really is mad. If he wasn't so awful I might even feel sorry for him."
Soren closed his eyes. "According to my father, Lydian tracked down a Draugr. However mad he was, Lydian was always a good hunter. Some Draugrs keep their sentient minds; this one did. While my mother was in her garden, tending to the flowers, the Draugr slayed her." He let out a deep breath. "Tanya was her sister. She managed to save me, but not her. And by then Lydian was gone."
"Lydian killed her then," I said. "Not the Draugr."
"I still dislike Draugrs, but yes, she died by Lydian's orders," he confirmed. "And one day, I will kill him in turn."
I closed my eyes, willing the coldness from my bones. Even wrapped in furs with Soren's body against mine, I couldn't chase the chill that came from his story away. I always tried to plant a garden; when I first came here. Was it the same?
"I wonder," Soren mused, "if that's why he's so obsessed with you."
I raised my eyebrows. "Hmm?"
"He rambles around you too."
"It never makes any sense."
"Perhaps to him it does."
"Then it's his own damn fault."
Soren stroked my hair. "I won't let him hurt you."
I closed my eyes again, letting Soren pull me back to the comfort of his body. "I think I'm going to have bad dreams." Stupid. You sound like a child. But I also was a child in a way, here among creatures that were centuries older, if not more, than I was. If we lived through this and went back to the Erlking's manor, I'd look seventeen for decades, if not centuries more. If Soren was human, I would've pegged him in his early twenties, not nearly into his eight hundreds.
"Bad dreams are better than no dreams," he said, twining a lock of my hair around his finger. "At least they tell you what you're afraid of knowing."
My eyelids were getting heavy. I was warm and comfortable lying here with Soren while the cold wind whistled outside the cave's entrance. The numbness in my bad hand was ebbing away, leaving behind the fiery agony that I remembered. Instinctively, I reached for it, only to have Soren grab my wrists.
"Don't pick at it," he said, examining the reddened and blackened skin of my right hand. The smell coming off of it was gone as well as the sores and oozing clear liquid but the skin was still inflamed and scaly where the iron had touched it. "You're healing better than you would if you were truly a goblin. You'll be able to use it fine, soon. There'll be scars, though. The scaly patches of skin sometimes don't go away. I don't know how they'd affect you, since you're technically human."
"Scaly patches of blackened skin I can live with. As long as I can still grip a bow."
Soren released my hands and with great self-control, I managed to not pick at my wounds. I closed my eyes again, letting his scent wash over me.
"You know," he said softly. "I remember when you first came here and kept trying to plant a garden. It was in the place that my mother died. My father left it in ruins and I always thought it was tainted by death."
"I never managed to grow anything."
"When we're finished with this, maybe you will." He kissed my forehead and started to hum under his breath until I feel asleep.
AN:
So Sorenneke is officially canon. Yay or nay? Also, what's your ship name for them? THEY FINALLY DID THE THING. And by the thing I mean sex.
If you want some more characters who take forever to realize they love each other despite literally everyone else seeing it, check out ASHES COME DAWN